Words to the Family

June 30, 1991

Ephesians 5:15-21

Thesis statement:

When we find peace in subjection to God, we can begin to find peace in subjection to one another. There is a proper place for doing what other people ask us to do. There is a proper place for asking other people to do things. There are times to obey and times to refuse to obey.

Attitude toward authority: "No one is going to tell me what to do!" Spoiled children need to learn who is boss; the difference between breaking the will and breaking the spirit— is there such a thing?

The home in which "ego" is not the center, but the genuine love, fear, respect, and authority of God— where we submit to one another.

INTRODUCTION

Ephesians 4 is a great "church chapter." It speaks of the unity of the faith, and of the diversity of gifts in the church. It ends with a blending of doctrine and Christ-likeness. It is a marvelous passage.

But then Ephesians 5 sets up a passage on inter-personal relationships, and particularly those of the family: husbands, wives, children, even household servants and masters. Frankly, a great deal of cultural adaptation has been preached around the last two chapters of Ephesians: slavery justified, and subjugation of married women among them.

So, what is to be made of such specific passages?

  1. Can we come with open hearts to read what God demands of His people, and perhaps to sort out what Paul recommends, or our own culture determines?
  2. Can we seek a humility that says we will accept what is clearly God's will, and not be our own God?
  3. Can we start with the imperatives of this "personal relationship" passage, and go from there? [I see four (4) imperatives:

BE IMITATORS OF GOD AS DEAR CHILDREN (1, flowing out of 4:32)

BE CAREFUL HOW YOU WALK (15, in light of 10)

BE FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT (18)

BE SUBJECT TO ONE ANOTHER IN THE FEAR OF CHRIST (21)

I. THE GRACE GOD GIVES US FORGIVENESS

We are imperfect people all; we get the idea that life is ideal— and we expect others to live up to the perfect standards of love. Of course WE don't always quite make it— but then WE are special. We want others to love us more than they love themselves— and we will show them how!

But that is not the way grace operates!

Forgiveness is the soil in which the flowers of relationship can grow! Of course it is a two-way street! But love doesn't keep score!

II. THE CHOICES GOD AFFORDS US CHOICE

Life goes better when

  1. We appreciate its limited quality; preciousness.
  2. We have deliberate goals, set by prayer and openness before God; and
  3. These goals are held lightly: "trying to find out what the will of the Lord is"

III. THE PRESENCE GOD PROMISES US PASSION

Here is a contrast with drinking to excess, with drunkenness. Why, do you suppose, do people drink to excess?

It is only a conjecture with me at this time; I have never drunk alcohol, but I believe people drink to cushion the hard facts of a life that comes in on them— to overcome, to forget.

What if there were a drug or substance that would not only cushion the pain but leave no bitter after-effects— would pay dividends to those who used it— and while indeed cushioning the harsh facts of life it would work in objective reality to change those facts? What do you suppose people would say to a drug like that?

Our God can turn water into wine; and He can turn beer into furniture, too!

What we need is more people who are addicted to God — Who are turned on by seeking and finding the passion of being God-soaked, God-intoxicated, God-filled— God-blessed!

IV. THE KEY GOD ENTRUSTS US [HUMILITY]

Here is the most difficult part of the passage!

Humility— the most delicate of the graces of the Spirit

We all seek our own!

We all are interested in the recognition that should be coming to us!

Conclusion:

When we have mastered the imperatives— or, as we seek to enfold them into our lives— then we can go on and deal with the individual roles within the family:

Wives— be subject to your own husbands. Don't be pulling against the flow of the family; seeking your separate way.

Husbands- (in the light of verse 21— being subject to one another) love your wives as Christ loves the church— laying down His very life to make its life possible.

Parents- don't "use" your children selfishly; don't provoke them to anger; model for them the grace and giving of God Himself; and model for them also the demands, urging, characteristics (from I Thes 2) we spoke of last Sunday.

Children - reverence your parents! Respect them!

Slaves- hourly wage earners? Laborers?

Owners- Those hiring work done— we ALL fill these various roles from time to time. Paul was NOT condoning a social system of people owning other people. He WAS saying that where we find ourselves there are principles that will lift us above.