The Qualities of Family

June 23, 1991 AM

1 Thessalonians 2

Introduction

[Family advice from Paul?]

Paul was tough. He had to be to survive in his world. He did not tolerate failure lightly. He drove himself harder than anyone else.

But Paul was also tender.

Paul responded to the tenderness of Stephen the martyr, when perhaps nothing else could have reached him, the radical persecutor of the Way.

After his remarkable conversion, he was taken under the personal care of one of the kindest men in all the Bible, Barnabus, the son of consolation. Barnabus didn't change Paul's gritty spunky aggressive nature entirely, but he did make an indelible mark. Paul was not only tough, Paul knew the value of being tender.

[The Holy Spirit (not just crusty St. Paul) inspired these words!:]

Here in I Thessalonians 2 are some "side comments" by Paul on the way parents ideally relate to their children. He tells the people in Thessalonica what he thinks of them, and how he has sought to treat them. Paul's comments are an outline of family characteristics we might look at and cultivate.

I. PARALLELS: GROWING A CHURCH AND RAISING A FAMILY

I may be an idealist, but I really believe that A CHURCH IS A FAMILY. Some families are closer than others; some are more "fun;" but every local unit of Christ's church is family!
THE IDEAL CHURCH/FAMILY IS GOD-CENTERED, RATHER THAN PERSON- CENTERED. (2:4) "we speak, not as pleasing (people) but God, who examines our hearts."
1. This formula works for everything Christian. [Actually, I learned it at a CCI "Fireside" more than 20 years ago in Green Lake, Wisconsin. It has worked at Camp Taconic all these long years since! We do not run a camp, even a "Boys' Camp" or "Girls' Camp," for people— not even the boys or girls, although that is the reason for the camp. The camp is run for the glory of God! Every person does what he/she does as unto the Lord! The end result: the boys and girls are served even better than if we ran the camp for them!]
  1. It works in a church
  2. and it even works in a family
2. The church is NOT to be simply a place where perceived needs are met, or where the gospel is "marketed." The "bottom line" is NOT church growth, or even good reports. The "bottom line" is pleasing God! He is the One who builds His church!
"Pleasing God" has a way of combining worth-while goals, and "straining out" lesser ones.

[The current Reader's Digest carries an article I barely skimmed, by a rabbi. His testimony was the same as mine: it has been a great life BUT there is one regret: I was too ambitious about my career at first!]

II. GROWING A CHURCH OR A FAMILY CANNOT BE DONE IN A DETACHED AND IMPERSONAL WAY

The single most important thing that families need is "LOVE." But 'love' has to be more than a word. "Love" is so broad a term that it has to be broken into pieces we can handle and recognize and work on. Paul put it this way: (2:8) "Having thus a fond affection for you we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God BUT OUR OWN LIVES ALSO, BECAUSE YOU HAD BECOME VERY DEAR TO US."
"Lessons" are important. ABCs, "times tables" and the disciplines must be mastered. But the greatest lesson of all is what kind of person the teacher is, or what kind of person the father or mother is. Character is more "caught" than taught.
We've all had them: teachers who had to get the lesson across, whatever the cost; teachers who went altogether by the text. But we've also had them: teachers who were tough, perhaps— but who demanded our best because they believed in us and loved us!
[I remember Mrs. Crouch, a history teacher at Akron North High School. "Wake up, Russell," she said. "You're going to be dead a long time!" But I knew she cared about me!]
The first quality of this investment of self, this quality that makes for "family" health is LOVE EXPRESSED AS...
1. GENTLENESS
  Paul says, (2:7) "I have been like a mother to you!" Tough Paul, hard on John Mark when he got homesick, not whimpering when he is beaten, standing up to more than one Roman centurion or magistrate— tough Paul says, "I have been like a mother to you!"
  So, "how is a mother?" In a word, "gentle." Love that almost hurts! Love that seeks to lift and bless. Love that is on the alert for ways to be a help.
  [Practical: Yes, young mothers have the toughest job! They do FEEL like they don't want to even SEE their kids sometimes. But just let those same kids whimper off in the corner somewhere, and the family reunion is going strong, and there is all kinds of noise and confusion, and Mother hears HER little child's voice when no one else in the room does! Why?]
  GENTLE LOVE CAN ALSO BE 'STRONG' ["TOUGH LOVE!"]
  1. Paul also speaks of being 'like a father.' (2:11 "... we were exhorting and encouraging and imploring each one of you as a father would his own children ...")
    [Remember, now, this is not YOUR father, nor is it mine.
    Some of you have sad stories to tell about family relation ships. Don't let them influence you in your concept of the term "father" or "mother" as it is used in the scriptures.
    I happened to have as a father a man who totally gave himself to God before I was born. I am eternally grateful for that. But at the same time I hasten to say that my father was not perfect, and he made a number of mistakes in dealing with me as his son.
    In turn, I have been a sincere and committed Christian since before my children were born, but I must confess that I have not been the perfect or ideal father.]
    Paul is speaking of an "ideal." We all have to rise above the mistakes and sins of our parents.
  2. So, what sort of strong characteristics does Paul describe as helpful for the church/family?
    The first quality Paul associates with the ideal father, and the second in our family list is LOVE EXPRESSED AS:
2. ENCOURAGEMENT
  A good TEACHER OR PARENT is an encourager! He/she makes you feel like you CAN! He/she doesn't beat you down, but builds you up!
  [Illustration: R.C.Sproul told us of a teacher who wrote "You can write!" on his paper and put it up on the bulletin board for all to see! Alice Spangenberg wrote the same words on one of my freshman papers, and it greatly encouraged me!]
  The next thing Paul mentions- and perhaps the order is important- is LOVE EXPRESSED AS:
3. COMFORTING
  We've discovered the importance of touching! Parents need to hug their children often and sincerely, and not just when they deserve it or are good, but when they feel most naughty we need to encourage them to be better human beings.
  [Illus: The little boy who went past many churches to get to D.L. Moody's Sunday School because "They love me!"]
  The next thing on Paul's list is the one we usually place first. It is LOVE EXPRESSED BY:
4. URGING
  This "urging" aspect of parenthood carries over into most relationships and uses words like "ought" and "should" and questions like "Did you?" and reactions like "I told you so.."
  All these are (probably) legitimate. After all, URGING is on the list! And some of us wouldn't have got out of bed this morning if someone hadn't used this fatherly technique!
  But urging is like salt. It must be used properly!
  Urging used to be extended even to corporal punishment. I speak of judicious use of spanking. Now even to mention the idea of swatting a child is to incur accusation and suspicion. Still, if the other aspects of love (i.e., Gentleness and Encouragement, etc,) are really present, URGING HAS ITS PLACE! [ILLUS. The URGING must fit the child and situation, however! I recall how I was disciplined as a child of five or six; I tried the same thing on John when he was five or six with very different results!]
  There is one more important item on the list of qualities. it is LOVE EXPRESSED THROUGH GENUINE:
5. PRAISE!
  (2:20) "For you are our glory and joy." (And 3:8) "For now we really live if you stand fast in the lord!" Passion, affection, vicarious living, family tightness— a wonderful thing.

Conclusion:

I covet these things for this church we call our spiritual home and family. I want to see us live to please God with all our hearts, whatever our individual gifts and assignments may be.

And I also covet this for the people you call "family." You have the greatest influence by far on your inner circle.

Gentleness ... global, universal care for the welfare of others
Encouragement ...
Comforting ... we all need it!
Urging ... use with care; but don't let anyone settle for being less than her/his best!
APPRECIATION/PRAISE! ... joy in others' success is a sign of genuine LOVE!

Prayer

Exalt Him #57 - The Servant Song